Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
