You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
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