I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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