the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
this boner is exhausting
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
