Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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