1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
this beer tastes like vomit already
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
