Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
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