By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Quick, to the slutcave!
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize