i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just pee around me
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
