Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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