If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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