I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You are the jesus of drinking
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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