did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
