i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
