Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
