2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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