After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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