everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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