Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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