I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
