I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
