Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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