so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
