i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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