put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize