I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
