Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
