me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize