Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
