Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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