never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
