my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
