Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
