wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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