Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
