My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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