dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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