It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He better not be in your backpack
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
