We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
