I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
