Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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