"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
