So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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