Hey man sorry I got all grabby
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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