Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Why is your signature on my underwear?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
