Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
