so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
