Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
