did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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