How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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