i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
