you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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