I am in a vortex of obligation.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
