Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
