I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
don't judge my taste in strippers
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
