drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize