why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
