addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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