I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Less talking, more tequila
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
