There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
