Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
