If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
