I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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