I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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