There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
