The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
