Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
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