She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
