Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
