i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
My ATM looks so different sober.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize