one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
