I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Randomize
