I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
