If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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