so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
