I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
