I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Randomize
