That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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